Porcelina
by 08trekker
Summary: A short one-shot of what might have happened if when Coach Sue gave Kurt the dress in Props, Kurt agreed to wear it. As always, I'm extremely paranoid, thus the rating. Enjoy!


**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee nor anything else you recognize...if I did own Glee, Season 4 would be very different...**

Porcelina

How had I ever gotten myself into this? Here I was, up on this stage, dressed like a freaking girl, singing my ass off, and wondering how the hell I'd gotten here. Oh yeah...Coach Sue. As apparently I wasn't enough of a team player, I had finally been talked into wearing this stupid dress and singing with the New Directions. Coach Sue had taken me into her office later that day after she had talked to Mercedes and me and tried again to convince me. Blaine, my beautiful Blaine, had walked in halfway through, and been unfairly amused by the whole thing.

"It's your decision, of course, hon, but if it'll help the team..." he had told me when Coach Sue demanded his opinion.

"So it'll just be like Halloween?" I asked, smiling wryly at my boyfriend.

He hugged me around my shoulders briefly, kissing my cheek. "Just like Halloween."

Coach Sue threw the dress in my lap. "Here you go. Porcelain is gone, replaced by Porcelina. Rise, Porcelina, and help the New Directions beat Vocal Adrenaline."

"No need to be so dramatic." I muttered, and Blaine pulled me up.

"We'll see you at rehearsal tomorrow afternoon, Coach Sue." he said, and she nodded.

"Leave your boyfriend behind tomorrow." she told him before waving us off.

The moment I was out of her office, I let out a loud groan. "How did I ever let her convince me to do this?"

Blaine ignored me, choosing instead to press me against the wall, kissing me hardly. After a second, I mischievously pushed him back slightly, and he pouted at me. "Oh, none of that, mister." I winked at him, then put on a mock-sad face. "When I last checked, you were gay. That means no kissing girls."

Still pouting, he pressed his body even closer against mine. "Are you sure about that?" he whispered into my ear, and I shivered slightly.

Accidentally, I met his melting eyes and melted myself. "I guess I can allow you to be bi for a day..." I decided, and he kissed me again.

Later that day, as we were doing homework to Disney movies on my couch, I thought of a question. "Hey, Blainers, why aren't you thrown by dressing in drag? I was surprised you didn't react more to it..."

Blaine grinned mysteriously, but "Maybe you want to text Wes and David about Halloween in kindergarten up to third grade..." was all he'd say.

Laughing, I took out my phone and sent them a joint message: **Hey guys, how's life? Blaine just told me to ask you guys about kindergarten to third grade Halloween...what's that about? -Kurt xoxo**

I was glad I was still friends with those two. Even though we'd all made up with the Warblers for what they did to Blaine and Finn this year, I still didn't like Sebastien for hurting or flirting with my man. Wes, however, had been horrified to learn that was what the 'new generation of Warblers' was up to, and hadn't stopped apologizing (even though he was in college, it wasn't his fault). I didn't blame David for anything either, as at the beginning of the year (about a month after Sebastien transferred), his grandfather, who he'd been extremely close to, had died. It had hit David hard, and he didn't really pay attention to anything (or anybody) else for months.

About fifteen minutes later, I got a reply back from both of them:

**Ooh, those were funny days. We didn't know him then, but his mother gave us pictures if we ever needed to blackmail him into anything...excellent lady, Mrs. Anderson...here, I'll email you the ones I have! ;) How's Blaine doing? -David**

**I got pictures...want them? -Wes**

Grinning, I showed their answers to Blaine, who groaned. "Oh lord, I knew mom had told them about it, not that they had pictures. Nope, you're not getting pictures!" Blaine quickly snatched my phone from me.

"Hey!" I protested as he texted them back. Climbing onto him with absolutely no dignity, I grabbed my phone back. I was too late, the joint message **Naw, thanks guys, I'm good. -Kurt** had already sent. Darn. "Now I have to text them back denying that was me." I complained, but Blaine only grabbed my legs so I fell on top of him. Finding my face inches from his and only clothes and my phone separating our bodies, my breath stuttered.

Triumphantly, Blaine grinned. "Trust me, you don't want to see old pictures. Why bother with old ones when we can make so many new memories right now?"

His breath ghosted over my skin, and I felt it begin to tangle. "Y-you're the one who told me to ask them." I pointed out, trying to pull myself from his spell.

Blaine's hands started rubbing my legs soothingly, and I melted, snuggling down into my boyfriend. Suddenly, I felt vibrations on my chest and before he could get it, I grabbed my phone, then crowed in triumph.

**Nice try, Blaine. Here you go, Kurt. Enjoy! -Wevid**

A moment later, my phone beeped, indicating I'd received pictures.

"Wait!" Blaine said suddenly.

"What?" I regarded him suspiciously, then bit back a moan as he shifted slightly beneath me.

Making him puppy-dog eyes, Blaine requested, "Kiss first before you laugh at me?"

Summoning all my will-power, I pecked Blaine quickly on the mouth, then opened up the pictures. Instantly, my heart melted into a big puddle of goo. There were four pictures, each of Blaine in a different Disney princess costume: Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Jasmine, and Belle.

"Your parents let you go out like that?" I asked, agog. Blaine's parents were, while fairly nice people, very conservative, and I couldn't imagine Mr. Anderson letting his younger son out of the house dressed like a girl, no less a Disney _princess_.

Blaine shrugged, but his air of nonchalance was destroyed by his deep blush. "Cooper was the one forced to take me, and as I wouldn't be Robin to his Batman, he allowed me to be the princess to his prince..."

Raising my eyebrows, I smirked. "That sounds like Cooper. But I still have you beat."

"Oh? How so?" Blaine asked me, settling his hands on my hips.

Putting one finger on Blaine's lips to silence him, I texted Wes and David back. **Omg, thank you! That's so funny! Okay, I g2g, but we need a reunion sometime soon! And David, for Wes' roommate's sake, rent a hotel! ;) Love you two! -Kurt**

As I sent the message, I felt my finger suddenly engulfed in warmth, and I looked down at my boyfriend in surprise. Taking in his darker-than-normal eyes, I leaned in close, throwing my phone aside. "What exactly are you doing?" I asked, withdrawing my finger from his mouth.

Blaine smirked up at me. "Your finger tastes good...it feels good..."

"Does it now?" I asked seductively, and Blaine nodded, eyes wide. "Well, we'll just have to see about that..."

It was a while until we were both cleaned up and doing homework again so I could tell him about the pair of sensible heels I asked for for my third birthday.

The next day was thankfully a Saturday, meaning that while we still had Glee practice at noon, I didn't have to go to school as a girl. Finn went over to Rachel's early, Carole had work, and Dad was working in the shop, so Blaine came over at nine to help me get ready...among other things.

"So, wig?" I asked, straightening the dress as I sat at my vanity.

Blaine handed me a brunette wig, and I fixed it on my head, clipping it down so it wouldn't fall down when I was dancing. At least this would give me a chance to try to put makeup on myself instead of Rach, Cedes, and Tina. Once I was done, I turned back to Blaine, who had been studying me the whole time. "What do you think?" I queried, simpering.

"Maybe I am bi." Blaine stated, and broke into laughter as I hit him on his shoulder. "Hey! Joking. Don't worry, I'm 100% gay, you know that." Giving him a glare, he wilted slightly. "Okay, okay, no more bi jokes. And you look stunning. I love you as my Kurt, as Porcelina, as whatever and whoever you choose to be." He looked my dress up and down, then wrinkled his nose. "Though I don't like the dress. It's too...loose. I prefer you in your skinny jeans."

"Do you, then?" I teased, stepping close, and Blaine nodded.

"Yeah, you should've gotten a tighter dress. Or Spandex! Yeah, don't guys always want their girls in Spandex?" Blaine's eyes crossed slightly, and I sighed.

"What am I going to do with you?" I asked rhetorically, but because he's my Blaine, of course he responded.

"Whatever, whenever you want!" he said cheerfully.

"When we get home." I breathed into his ear, and he shivered almost imperceptibly. "Now let's go." I straightened, and sashayed out of my room.

In true gentleman-like fashion, he made sure to open all the doors for me, and settled into the driver seat of his car. "So, what are we telling them?" he asked me, and I thought for a second.

"Well, if they don't figure it out at once, then that'll confirm my suspicions that they are all idiots...but for my sake, why don't we call me Karli, and say that I'm a friend of yours from Crawford Country Day. Oh, and that Kurt is home sick."

Blaine laughed. "Do you honestly think they won't figure it out?"

"With my friends, you never know." I reminded him, and he nodded.

"True. Okay, we're here."

The reaction when we entered the auditorium was hilarious. Everybody was there except Finn and Rachel, and glanced over at us at first, then fixed on me. Mercedes ran up to me at first, confused. "Kurt?" she whispered, and I shook my head.

"Just go with it, please." I begged her, and she nodded reluctantly.

"Kay, boo, but you have a lot of explaining to do later." she whispered right before everyone came over.

"Dude, Blaine, where did you get this chick?" Puck asked my boyfriend, who looked mightily amused.

"She's, uh, a friend of mine from Dalton's sister school. She was thinking about transferring and joining the New Directions, so Coach Sue said she could come to rehearsal with me." he lied, glancing at me.

"What's your name, hottie?" Puck asked me, grinning at me and flexing his biceps, and I giggled. He actually thought I was a girl. But would they recognize my voice?

Making my voice slightly higher than normal, I answered, "I'm Karli. Which one are you? Blaine's told me all about you guys..."

"He's Puck. I'm Artie, this is Sam, and this is Mike." Artie 'introduced' me to the gang, and I smiled at each guy.

"So, how did you meet Blaine?" Tina asked, coming up to possessively take Mike's arm.

"Dalton and Crawford have many events together, and he asked me to dance once." I made up on the spot, and Blaine winced slightly as all the guys eyed him cautiously.

"She knows you're gay, right?" Sam whispered to Blaine, and I giggled again.

"Of course I know he's gay! I've met Kurt and all."

"Where is Kurt?" Artie asked Blaine, looking around for me.

Blaine shrugged. "He's sick, so he decided to stay at home today. He wanted me to come, though, so I could show Karli around."

Puck made a face at this. "My boy's sick? Not good, especially with Coach Sue on the warpath."

It was at this moment that I saw Coach Sue, and I rushed off to catch her before the others could overhear.

"Okay, Coach, I did as you asked. I'm Karli now." I declared, and she looked me over critically.

"God, if I didn't already know you were my sweet Porcelain..." she trailed off, then nodded.

"Good. Okay, get up on that stage." she ordered, and I nodded.

"Just, don't tell the others, please? I want them to figure it out by themselves."

She nodded at my request. "Now go!" she barked, and I scurried onto the stage.

Singing lead felt good, it felt...natural. What didn't feel natural was wearing this dress, though. It was binding and constricting, and just wasn't the same as my usual skintight skinny jeans and top.

Color me surprised, but the others still hadn't figured out who I was yet. I'd have thought that hearing me sing for the past two hours would have been enough, but I guess they just thought I was a regular soprano. Even Finn hadn't figured it out...hmm, what does that say about him? Rachel had, as after she'd thrown a fit over not getting the solos for today, I'd taken her aside, and explained the whole thing to her. It had taken her seven minutes to stop laughing, but she agreed to keep my secret, at least for today.

The closest I'd come to being found out was when Santana noticed Blaine was staring at me and reminded him he had a boyfriend. "I thought we decided last year you weren't bi." she asked, confused.

"I'm just making sure Karli's okay." Blaine defended himself. "And I'm not bi. Never was, no offense, Rachel." he added, and Rachel smiled.

"No offense taken."

Now rehearsal was ending, and as everyone stretched out, exhausted from all that singing and dancing, Coach Sue came up to all of us. "So, what did you think of Karli?" she asked us, though turned towards Mr. Schue (who, of course, hadn't figured it out yet).

"She was magnificent." he answered, and, turning to me, said, "It was a pleasure to have you sing with us. If you do end up transferring, we'd love to have you in the New Directions."

Amused, I nodded. "Thank you very much."

Coach Sue didn't find it so amusing. "She?" she barked, and Mr. Schue (along with everyone else except Cedes, Rachel, and Blaine) looked at her in confusion.

"Yeah...Karlie...she..." Mr. Schue trailed off, staring curiously at Coach Sue.

With a dramatic roll of her eyes, a huffed, "You morons!", and a shake of her head, she stomped off.

Looking at the rest of us for assistance, Mr. Schue asked me, "Do you know what that was about?"

Not wanting to give it away (if now there was a choice where I didn't have to!), I just shrugged, batted my eyelashes, and latched onto Blaine's arm. "No idea. Are you ready to go, Blaine?" I chirped.

"Yup. See you guys on Monday." Blaine told the rest of them before walking out with me.

When we were safely in his car, we looked at each other then cracked up. "Are you freaking kidding me?" I gasped as Blaine hooted. "I spend at least two hours in front of them singing my heart out, and none of them notice except Rachel and Mercedes figure it out?"

"You're an amazing actor, babe." Blaine giggled, then kissed my cheek. At that moment, my phone rang, and I answered with a, "Hello, who's there?"

"Porcelain, this is your Coach. I want my dress back on Monday. It's no good to have a cross-dresser on the team unless people actually see that you're a cross-dresser, and obviously they can't. Consider this plan a failure." she barked at me, and I smirked at Blaine, who had heard every word.

"Sorry, Coach. Maybe we should have Blaine wear the dress." I suggested, grinning evilly.

Blaine's eyes widened comically, and frantically started to shake his head no. "No, are you an idiot, Porcelain? Hobbit would look terrible in drag. We'll just have to think of something else. I want that dress back in my office by Monday." she insulted my boyfriend, then hung up.

"I'm not sure if I should be relieved or insulted." Blaine commented dryly, and I giggled.

"I feel the same way. Should I be insulted that she practically called me a girl, or should I be happy I'm that great of an actor?" I replied, and Blaine chuckled.

"Think about it this way – now you don't need to keep wearing the dress." my beautiful boyfriend pointed out, and I smiled.

"Oh, thank god, this thing was horrible!" I groaned, picking at the dress.

"It wasn't that bad..." Blaine trailed off, then grinned, "but I prefer my men in skinny jeans."

"Huh, cause so do I." I giggled, then played with the few stray curls that had wormed out of Blaine's nest of hair and gel.

"Want to go home and change?" Blaine asked, and I grinned.

"I think you just want to watch me change." I teased, and Blaine grinned back wolfishly.

"Well, now that you mention it..."

Hitting him lightly in the shoulder, I pushed him away. "Fine, as long as I can get out of this dress. Now drive."

"Your wish is my command," Blaine kissed my hand then started to pull out of the parking lot.

"...madame Karli."

"Oh, you are in for it now!"

**A/N: Hi guys! Sorry I haven't been around in a while, but my life got in the way...eeks! I'm only able to write this now because my life is slowly falling apart...good times, right? Anyway, I remember being asked to do this by someone, but I forget who (it's been a while), so if you remember asking me to write this, then PM me, and I'll dedicate it to you! (I think your PM was accidentally deleted or something, sorry!) Please review and tell me what you think of this, and if you haven't already, feel free to check out my other stories! Thanks so much for reading this, and I hoped you enjoyed it!**

**Love, **

**Julia**


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